Sunday, January 2, 2011
A New Year Thank Goodness
Well I almost slept through the New Year....thank God hubby woke me up. I felt bad but he had the TV to himself and got to overdose on hockey and football. He is so supportive I just know I would not be where I am without him. Obviously, I can't get on peritoneal dialysis (PD) soon enough I have NEVER slept through anything in my life. My butt is dragging big time, I don't care if I eat or not,,,which is not new for me..and I just feel like BLAH. Melanie was right you DO know when it is time. I kind of relate the holidays for a person like myself.....end stage renal disease... to that of being an unmarried career woman in a large family of married highly fertile siblings. I have such a friend and she has told me for years to look in people's eyes as they approach and you can tell if you should suddenly have to go to the bathroom or not. For her they have the....Sooooo are you dating anyone special (make sure the voice goes up here)????? look....and the killer...You know you are not getting any younger you'd make such a good mother....finale. For me it's.....(cue squenchy eyebrows bent head little nods) Soooooooo how are you doing???? (Voice goes down) and the killer??? ....Be thankful for every day. OMG....SHUT UP. Think before you talk to a chronically ill person because I can guarantee we are thinking..what the He## do you know??? I have thanked her many times because she was right on the button and that insight has saved me many times. I have friends on both ends of the spectrum. So the next couple of blogs are about what to expect when varied and all of your family and friends find out you have a life threatening disease. First lets deal with family. My parents have passed and I am an only child...which I have come to greatly appreciate (except for lack of an organ match).However I do have very close family and they are so supportive and treat me no differently than they did before....which is exactly what anyone in my position really wants..well most days except like now when I am tired but insist I am not and say I can do anything...when I can't. So basically my family is screwed no matter how they treat me because I get mad at my body but I get over it. This is why I continually thank my husband and sons. They are amazing cuz I can be a real pisser right about now. They repeat back to what I say and we all laugh because I am so ridiculous.....Laughter IS God's greatest gift. Then there is my husband's family.....cue.... black cloud following over their heads wherever they go. Fortunately they do not live anywhere near us. They are just very negative people. I do not do negative and at this point in my life I am sorry but I have to put you in the out going mail if you choose to be like that. Surprisingly people like that really prefer to be on the outside...they are afraid you are going to die and in someway that will hurt them.....I see this a lot. I also understand it. It doesn't hurt my feelings..It is what it is and In am a happy camper who sees the glass half full...the exact opposite of how my parents were. If you are reading this and have a chronic illness start living like this....you will feel better, heal better and life will be so much easier to live. So the idiom..you can choose your friends but not your relatives is very true and for people like me it is a Godsend...however don't expect too much from some of your friends...you can't change their fears and you may be surprised who steps up to be your support and who backs out...I have been.